The Letter
by hootnbutte
Summary: Nathan writes a letter to Audrey after she has gone into the Barn.


**Author's note: **This is my first fanfic. I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Haven or any of the characters in the show

Nathan arrived back in his office, after a very long day of dealing with the troubles. It had been a particularly tough case where a person's trouble was triggered from the aftermath of the meteor storm. The result being all the anger and frustration of this person was transferred to those around them. As soon as people were close, the rage would overtake them and they would fight with others or start picking fights with them. Nathan wasn't immune, but for all the rage that he felt, he knew it wasn't his rage. It isn't easy to calm someone down when all you feel is angry, but Nathan did it. Not as well as Audrey would have, but he got the job done.

Nathan sat down at his desk and rubbed his eyes. He then leaned back, grabbed a piece of paper and started to write.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Audrey,

I feel I need to write you this letter to tell you all the things I didn't get a chance to say before you left. I honestly believed that we would come up with some way for you to stay. Had I known things would turn out as they did, maybe we could have done things differently. I'm sorry I failed you. I didn't keep you out of the barn and now you're gone.

I miss you. I miss how you loved the weird stuff. I miss how you loved cupcakes. I miss how you would go barrelling into a situation without necessarily thinking of the consequences, leaving me to chase after you. I miss how you would bite your lower lip when you were concentrating really hard. I miss how we could finish each other's sentences. And I miss how you would check the temperature of my coffee before I drank it.

It's been a month since you went away and I continue, with the help of Vince, Dave, and Dwight to try to come up with some way to get you back.

I remember, not long after you first came to Haven, when you first learned the name, Lucy, who you thought, at the time might be your mother, I suggested that maybe someday you could fix me. You laughed and said nobody could fix me. But you were wrong Audrey, you did fix me and not just because I could feel your touch. You fixed me in so many ways. Before you came to town, I was a loner, quiet; I pretty much kept to myself. I know you would laugh at this; that hasn't changed you would say, but I know it has. No, I'll never be an extrovert like Duke, with his easy personality, always ready with a quip or sarcastic comment. I've changed, nonetheless. Without your trust I don't know that I could have stepped up as Chief of Police when my Dad died. And I actually think I'm doing a pretty good job. So far I'm holding Haven together, just like my Dad did.

When you were struggling with who you were, when I finally let you know that you were more than just my partner, I told you I knew who you were, I started to tell you how you made me feel, but I didn't know how exactly to express it then. It's not just that I can feel your touch, as incredible as that is; no it's that you make me feel period. I realize now that I wasn't really living before you came to town, I was existing. You arrived and everything got a little brighter. I had a partner, I found someone who actually got my sense of humour, someone who challenged me, someone I could talk to and someone who became my friend.

We weren't perfect, we had our share of problems when neither of us acted our best. You pushed me away when you found out about the Hunter. I didn't know how to react, you didn't want me around and it hurt. It hurt, not only because of where I thought we were heading, but it hurt more because I lost my best friend. It's easy to look back now and see the mistakes we both made, you thought you were the reason the Colorado Kid died and you were trying to protect me. I thought I should give you the space you needed and tried to find the answers from the Guard. None of that worked, neither of us works as well apart as we do together. It's only when I died, and you brought me back, that we finally seemed to start getting back on track.

You even managed to get Duke and I back on speaking terms. I don't know that I would ever completely trust Duke, there's a lot of history there, but I do know now that he will come through when the chips are down. I know wherever you are that Duke is doing what he can to keep you safe; you and James.

James. Our son. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about our time together when you were Sarah. I really didn't know for sure that I was his father until the day you went into the barn, but the possibility was there when you first told me James was your son. Just know that I saw you in Sarah. You were and are Incredible. Even then you were headstrong, tough and decisive, but you were also caring and as always, your intuition allowed you to help people in a way that no one else could. I regret that I left Sarah alone to deal with her pregnancy but I can't regret having a child with you. Maybe someday I'll actually get to know him. I hope that you are getting to know each other while you are in the barn (since I have no clue how the barn works). Can you build memories for 27 years with him?

I don't know what is harder to deal with, that you won't remember me or your life as Audrey or that I don't know what I should tell you when you do return. It's a struggle; do I let you know about us? Do I let you just figure it out on your own? Do I tell you about your past lives, the ones that I know of? I understand now, at least a bit, as to why Vince and Dave didn't tell you that they knew you twice before, at least not right away. I say a bit, because even now they still have more secrets that they don't share, but I do believe they are trying to help me get you home.

Parker, I don't know if we will be able to figure out away to get you home before 27 years have passed. I know that, if that's the case I'm going to be more than twice your age and it won't really be a chance for us to find each other again despite what you said at the barn. If we can't figure out how to get you home before 27 years pass, just know that I will continue trying to figure out a way to stop the troubles for good, so that you can have a life with someone without the fear of ever having to go into that damn barn again.

I'm not giving up trying to get you home sooner.

Know that I will never stop trying to find a way to bring you back. Know that I will never stop trying to bring you back to me.

I love you; I always will love you.

Nathan

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Nathan finished the letter. It wasn't everything he wanted to say, but it was enough.

Even if she wasn't there, Audrey could help to calm him down. He folded the letter and put it in an envelope addressed to Audrey.

Just then the phone rang. "Wuornos"

"Nathan, it's Dave, I think we've found something to help bring them back"

"I'll be right over" and with that, Nathan tucked the letter deep in his desk drawer, gabbed his jacket and headed over to the Haven Herald office. Maybe today, Audrey would come home.


End file.
